The Ransom Note

The drive to The Gates of Doom is quite long. Please bear with us as we take our sweet, sweet time to travel. We will be making a short stop in the town of Oz quite soon where we will have time to further update you on our journey.
Until then, I will be making this ransom note public. I received it from a messenger owl late last night. It is from yours truly: DISGUSTING ROXANNE

Viewer discretion is advised

From Roxanne
Sent:Tue 8/05/08 6:44 PM
"What, did you run out of things to write about? Lazy creature! I spew at you little dogs and your story.
I recently returned from Roosevelta where I wreaked havoc on the life of your precious Grace. I locked her into a building of which only I carry the code and key to entry. You shall not see her again. I have acquired the help of my little munchkin Vincenzo, and he will be watching everything you say and do. I have instructed him to set traps within your home, he is very talented and you will never know when one hits you! Watch for his deadly pooper bomb, it releases time lapse toxins into your home, which will effect you precious puppies!
Gladiss is indeed on my list next. I shall lock her up also and or hire someone from Powawowa to take her and put her somewhere where her and Grace will be in contact with me and me only. We shall conquer this little world of yours and rule forever. Martini's and clubbing will become the law of the land and only those with special membership will be let into our little club of sin.
Sleep *expletive* and may the bed bugs bite!!! Hard!!
Your ever loving and not so loyal,
Dragon Roxanne"

The Spay and Neuter Clinic

Dear readers,

For those wondering what the long delay in between posts was- it was because on our way to Oz, I decided that Harlow needed to visit the Spay and Neuter clinic. It is pretty much the scariest place that we have ever journeyed to other than to Roxanne's winter hideout in Wanship, Utah.

Anyway, after a long 8 hour surgery and a weekend of rest, Harlow is no longer capable of having offspring. Thank goodness!

God bless you Harlow!!

Oz

Enter OZ: The magical community run by fairies, nome's, mermaids and nymphs.

Oz is roughly rectangular in shape, and divided along the diagonals into four countries: Munchkin Country (but commonly referred to as 'Munchkinland') in the East, Winkie Country in the West, (sometimes West and East are reversed on maps of Oz, Gillikin Country in the North, and Quadling Country in the South. In the center of Oz, where the diagonals cross, is the fabled Emerald City, capital of the land of Oz and seat to the monarch of Oz, Princess Ozma.

Upon arrival in Oz, we were warned of the evil, wicked witch: Kathy of Sandy, whom all of Oz fears.







Kathy of Sandy's life goal was to intimidate a sweet child called Samorthy. Samorthy is the long, lost daughter of the beloved Aunt Grace aka Queen Grace aka Mother GRRace-a aka Fancy Face Grace.








Samorthy and her little dog Froto were sent to live in Oz by the disgusting dragon Roxanne for unknown reasons. Roxanne worked hard from a distance with the wicked witch Kathy of Sandy to make poor Samorthy's life a living hell. They were succeeding until Harlow and I came walking into the picture.


With our brave faces on, Harlow and I took the time to go and speak with the wicked witch on behalf of Samorthy.

"Wicked witch, why do you cause harm to this sweet child Samorthy?" I asked.
"EEEEEE, EEEEEE, HEEEEEE WHOOOO, HAAAAAAA, EEEEEE AAAAAAAAAHHHH." Replied the wicked witch.
I understood it didn't speak my native tongue.
And so Harlow fetched the creepy swamp monster Christine from the trunk of our car hoping that she would be able to translate. When the two of them returned to Kathy of Sandy and I, Kathy's face lit up at the sight of the creepy Christine and Christine's creepy face lit up at the site of Kathy.


The two of them were obviously in love. Very gross. I know.



And just like that, we were able to trade our little swamp monster free and clear for the freedom of the sweet child, Samorthy. I can only assume that the critter Christine and the Wicked witch Kathy lived happily ever after in Oz. I will never know.



We spent the rest of our time in Oz with Samorthy and some weird guy looking for that awful Roxanne but we had no such luck. Until that is, when Samorthy received a call from her dear friend Alegzandra of Japan who was reporting a dragon sighting just minutes before calling to warn Samorthy.

And so, to nobody's surprise- to the depths of Japan we were headed!!















PLEASE STAND BY

Konnichiwa! Ohayo Gozaimasu!

Dear Readers,
We have arrived in Japan. It is quite terrifying here so we were immediately in contact with Alegzandra, the Japanese fighting intern. He is the protector of this country. Having been taught by only the best- Mr. Pat Morita, god bless his soul, Alegzandra was fast to spot the hideous dragon Roxanne hiding out by the famous Japanese landmark, Sensoji Temple.

Harlow and I made it here fast enough to also make our very first sighting of Roxanne and trust us, it is not pretty. She is more awful looking in person. Her dragon head is going bald and it is a shame that she never took the advice of a wise mind named Brittni and used a bottle of Rogaine to fix her ugly, bald problem.

As I watched her cowardly body sitting beside this famous temple, it was easy to see that the two elderly women, Gladiss and Grace were not with her. "Where could they be?" I asked the intelligent Alegzandra. He did not know. I cannot quote his responses because he didn't speak English. He did explain though that in Japan, since GPS systems are not used, ( the Japanese are a little behind in their technological discoveries I guess) there was only one person or should I say "Navigation Parrot" that could help us.

Deb the navigation parrot was where Alegzandra sent us. Deb was one of two Parrot sisters. Her twin sister, Lola was not used for navigating, just translating. Deb would navigate and Lola would translate. Do you comprehend what these beautiful parrots can do? I should hope so.
We arrived at their birdcage and met with them and their parrot father, Mr. Fanortner.

The twins agreed to help us find where Gladiss and Grace were hiding as long as we agreed to let them ride around on our heads.
Deb could smell the elderly womens pretty perfume only she could not find them anywhere. We searched all of Japan for two days in a row.

We did receive a clue from some strange guy after those two days. "He said, don't you remember the postcard that you received from the Gates of Doom so long ago, silly dogs? Well that is where the old ladies must be of course." Of course!! Why didn't we think of this already?!

NEXT MISSION: GETTING BACK ON TRACK TO THE GATES OF DOOM

An Ode to Liberty

I, Sage Rianna Chase will now declare my love for my very best friend: Liberty BELloise.

Liberty darling, you are a bridge over troubled water. You are the very best friend I could ever ask for. God bless you my little angel.

In 1975, a little band called "Queen" took my love for Liberty and made a song out of it. I will now post the lyrics that this unknown band came up with. They are bits and pieces of my raw emotion for such a beautiful best friend.

You're my Best Friend

Written by Sage Rianna Chase

Performed by Queen

Ooo. you make me live. Whatever this world can give to me, It's you, you're all I see. Ooo, you make me live now honey. Ooo, you make me live. You're the best friend, that I ever had. I've been with you such a long time. You're my sunshine. And I want you to know, that my feelings are true, I really love you. You're my best friend. Ooo, you make me live, I've been wandering round but I still come back to you. In rain or shine, you've stood by me such a long time.

I'm happy, happy at home. You're my best friend. You're the first one when things turn out bad. You know I'll never be lonely. You're my only one. And I love The things that you do. You're my best friend. Ooo, you make me live. I'm happy, happy at home. You're my best friend. You're my best friend. Ooo, you make me live. You, you're my best friend.

ROXANNE, YOU ARE NOT MY BEST FRIEND.

THE ONLY SONG ABOUT YOU IS BY THE POLICE AND IT IS REFERRING TO SOMETHING PROFANE. EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU ROXANNE= PROFANE.

I Love you Liberty Baby