Happy Birthday Mr. Fanortner!

ThanksRoxGiving

Dearest Earthlings. Our deepest apologies for the brief hiatus. We regret to inform you that we never found Roxanne in her dragon form.

But, it is Thanksgiving time and time to show thanks.

Let us now tell you what we are thankful for.

We have found Roxanne in Turkey Form!! Since we failed to catch her before, we hired a professional turkey hunter specialist to do it for us.

Introducing: NEMESIS DE ROGZANNE (Enemy of Roxanne)

And, it looks like she caught you nasty Roxanne! Time to have our Uncle Pete cut you up with his turkey cutter!!

Next, our Aunt Debbie and Lola will serve you serve you on a nice porcelain plate!!

Nothing says Thanksgiving Party like two sweethearts raising their hands through the roof!! Glad you could make it Gladiss and Grace! We're happy you are both safe and sound!!

Dinner is served!! You make a delicious meal Roxanne!! Yum! Enjoy and get stuffed earthlings!!

Eat up dogs! Libby baby and Lulu sweetie love to eat an old bird every now and then!

Godbless you ROGAINE! And Happy Thanksgiving my love!

Ready..Set..GO!!

We left our lovely godmother out of the Thanksgiving post so that we could honor her in her very own special post!



Dear Best Friend,

God bless you on your Germany Journey! Bless the lovely friend who gets to have you in her company, bless the ground you walk on and the food you eat! I know being a superstar gets tough and leaving to perform in Germany the day after we eat Roxanne for dinner might be tiring, but, may you have a safe and happy time in your travels.

We love you more than anything! You are an amazing example of true greatness.

GOD BLESS YOU FRIENDO!!

Ich schau dir in die Augen, Kleines!

An Introduction

YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE
SU ATENCION POR FAVOR
Ladies and Gentlemen, please allow me to introduce ourselves. I am Sage Rianna Chase. I will be narrating this site of events. For those of you who do not know me, (and I am unsure of how this is possible) I am of German heritage. I was brought to the United States of America in the year 2000 by a very kind, wonderful heart whom I refer to as my pet. My appearance is as follows: fancy short legs, a shiny black and gray outfit and a long body. I... am.... Beautiful! There is nothing that compares to my beauty. Nothing.
My sidekick, soulmate and best friend is Harlow Sagist. There is not much to know of this creature other than that she was born on a farm in Bluffdale, Utah. Awful, I know. Her skin is silver and her eyes are as cold as ice. She...is....NOT as beautiful as me. Might I remind you, nobody is.
Harlow and I share one fine talent and that is that we were both born to hunt and retrieve.
We are allowing you to join us on our greatest mission ever- To find the terrible, disgusting, life altering, fire breathing, portrait painting, Indian loving, fierce and offensive looking dragon: Roxanne.
This mission/hunt was assigned to us when that nasty dragon Roxanne captured and stole two women of great purpose and royalty:
Queen Grace of the far-away kingdom: Roosevelta', and The Great Gladdiss of the magical land of PowaWOWa.
Please follow us as we journey through the unknown to save these admirable, inspiring old women and destroy that cruel, evil dragon Roxanne once and for all!

God Bless

Our mission:

Saving these Beautiful Humans

Part 1

Before we begin our journey we must seek spiritual help. There is only one person on planet earth who we can turn to in our desperate situation. This person is the wisest spiritual guru of our time. Her name is Liberty Bell. She resides under a waterfall in a distant sanctuary which we must not disclose the location of.

I met Liberty Bell many years ago at a Convention for the Beautiful. She has a beautiful soul, I have a beautiful face. Can you see the connection we have?

Harlow and I travel very far to be enclosed by Liberty's peaceful presence. We spend hours meditating with her until the advice she has to offer us is suddenly reveiled.

"You must travel to a disgusting place." Liberty states. "Disgusting dragons named Roxanne like to be surrounded by disgusting scenery." And so it is determined that we will start our journey by going south of this sanctuary and heading toward the most filthy swamps we can find. Roxanne loves to bathe in swamps. She always has. She is so gross. And so, we will begin in a swamp.

God bless you Liberty Bell.

Part 2

It is now day three of swamp searching for the nasty, old Roxanne. Harlow and I have had no luck in finding her. We have decided to set up camp in the swamp we are currently in. Harlow will cook me a hot dog (that is my favorite treat) and she will enjoy her kibble.

As I sit waiting for her to serve my dinner, I notice something lurking behind the moss covered trees. What is this creature I ask myself? Finally after what seems like an eternity, it shows itself.

 

It is the most awful looking troll I ever seen (Other than Roxanne). Its full appearance eliminates my appetite and I send Harlow over to examine it. Even she shows fear when approaching it. As Harlow gets closer to the gremlin, it begins to speak in it's hideous voice. 

"My name is Christine and I live in this swamp, it is my home." It explains. "I noticed that the two of you have been searching for something and I have come to offer my swamp expertise." 

I do not trust this creepy critter Christine. I want to instruct Harlow that we must leave but something keeps me listening. "I believe you are searching for my grandmother, Roxanne the dragon." The creature reveals. "Roxanne is the only thing other than my  beastly self that hangs around in this filthy swamp. You missed her by only one day. She was flying through with two old ladies attached to her back just yesterday." The swamp monster now has my full attention. She offers no more information until Harlow and I agree to let her join us on our journey. As much as I don't want Christine traveling with us, I realize what detailed information she can provide us with as we search for her grandmother, Roxanne. She explains that Roxanne advised her that she was on her way to the elf infested town of McAnn. It is 500 miles west of this swamp. 

We plan to leave at sunrise. I am not sure what would motivate this little ogre to want to hunt her own grandmother with us but I am sure we will find out more from her as we continue on.