Wednesday, July 16, 2008

An Introduction

YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE
SU ATENCION POR FAVOR
Ladies and Gentlemen, please allow me to introduce ourselves. I am Sage Rianna Chase. I will be narrating this site of events. For those of you who do not know me, (and I am unsure of how this is possible) I am of German heritage. I was brought to the United States of America in the year 2000 by a very kind, wonderful heart whom I refer to as my pet. My appearance is as follows: fancy short legs, a shiny black and gray outfit and a long body. I... am.... Beautiful! There is nothing that compares to my beauty. Nothing.
My sidekick, soulmate and best friend is Harlow Sagist. There is not much to know of this creature other than that she was born on a farm in Bluffdale, Utah. Awful, I know. Her skin is silver and her eyes are as cold as ice. She...is....NOT as beautiful as me. Might I remind you, nobody is.
Harlow and I share one fine talent and that is that we were both born to hunt and retrieve.
We are allowing you to join us on our greatest mission ever- To find the terrible, disgusting, life altering, fire breathing, portrait painting, Indian loving, fierce and offensive looking dragon: Roxanne.
This mission/hunt was assigned to us when that nasty dragon Roxanne captured and stole two women of great purpose and royalty:
Queen Grace of the far-away kingdom: Roosevelta', and The Great Gladdiss of the magical land of PowaWOWa.
Please follow us as we journey through the unknown to save these admirable, inspiring old women and destroy that cruel, evil dragon Roxanne once and for all!

God Bless

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Our mission:




Saving these Beautiful Humans

Monday, July 14, 2008

Part 1



Before we begin our journey we must seek spiritual help. There is only one person on planet earth who we can turn to in our desperate situation. This person is the wisest spiritual guru of our time. Her name is Liberty Bell. She resides under a waterfall in a distant sanctuary which we must not disclose the location of.

I met Liberty Bell many years ago at a Convention for the Beautiful. She has a beautiful soul, I have a beautiful face. Can you see the connection we have?
Harlow and I travel very far to be enclosed by Liberty's peaceful presence. We spend hours meditating with her until the advice she has to offer us is suddenly reveiled.

"You must travel to a disgusting place." Liberty states. "Disgusting dragons named Roxanne like to be surrounded by disgusting scenery." And so it is determined that we will start our journey by going south of this sanctuary and heading toward the most filthy swamps we can find. Roxanne loves to bathe in swamps. She always has. She is so gross. And so, we will begin in a swamp.






God bless you Liberty Bell.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Part 2

It is now day three of swamp searching for the nasty, old Roxanne. Harlow and I have had no luck in finding her. We have decided to set up camp in the swamp we are currently in. Harlow will cook me a hot dog (that is my favorite treat) and she will enjoy her kibble.
As I sit waiting for her to serve my dinner, I notice something lurking behind the moss covered trees. What is this creature I ask myself? Finally after what seems like an eternity, it shows itself.
 
It is the most awful looking troll I ever seen (Other than Roxanne). Its full appearance eliminates my appetite and I send Harlow over to examine it. Even she shows fear when approaching it. As Harlow gets closer to the gremlin, it begins to speak in it's hideous voice. 
"My name is Christine and I live in this swamp, it is my home." It explains. "I noticed that the two of you have been searching for something and I have come to offer my swamp expertise." 
I do not trust this creepy critter Christine. I want to instruct Harlow that we must leave but something keeps me listening. "I believe you are searching for my grandmother, Roxanne the dragon." The creature reveals. "Roxanne is the only thing other than my  beastly self that hangs around in this filthy swamp. You missed her by only one day. She was flying through with two old ladies attached to her back just yesterday." The swamp monster now has my full attention. She offers no more information until Harlow and I agree to let her join us on our journey. As much as I don't want Christine traveling with us, I realize what detailed information she can provide us with as we search for her grandmother, Roxanne. She explains that Roxanne advised her that she was on her way to the elf infested town of McAnn. It is 500 miles west of this swamp. 
We plan to leave at sunrise. I am not sure what would motivate this little ogre to want to hunt her own grandmother with us but I am sure we will find out more from her as we continue on. 


Thursday, July 10, 2008

Interlude





















Dear Readers/Viewers,
While Harlow and I take turns driving to our next destination, I would like to take some time and give you some background on the two beloved beauty's we are fighting so hard to save,  the two doll's that are the reason for this journey. 




Today I will speak of the delightful Gladiss the Wonderful of PowaWOWa. She was just minding her own business when that awful Roxanne ripped her away from normal life.
Gladiss was born many years ago in a beautiful castle in a very far away place. Instantly she become royalty as she was the only living heir to some king who was occupying that castle. She was a joy the day she was born and she remains a joy almost 40 years later.
Gladiss got her 15 minutes of fame when she starred in a very low budget film 150 years ago called "Gone with the Wind". If you haven't heard of it, you're not alone. Many have not.



Once filming was over, it was apparent that Gladiss and her Gone with the Wind co-star, some unknown Ohioan named Clark Gable, (If you haven't heard of him, once again, you are not alone. Many have not) were in love. They exchanged vows in a small ceremony conducted by the precious Reverend Al Sharpton, and spent the next few years having offspring. 





















After Clark died of coronary thombosis in November of 1960, Gladiss decided to dedicate her time to saving lost Miniature Dachshunds in the city of PowaWOWa. No, that is not where I came into her picture. Like I said, I am a true German. It is, however, where many of my beautiful Dachshund family members were rescued and brought back to life by Gladiss the Great. Isn't Gladiss so adorable? God Bless Her! I will extricate her from the danger that the dragon Roxanne has put her in.

Tomorrow, I will introduce you a little more to Queen Grace of Roosevelta'. Until then, this is Sage Rianna Chase and I am signing out for the evening. Goodnight.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Another Interlude





Hello again. We are still traveling and as promised, I will now tell you more about Queen Grace.


Queen Grace's name is actually very misleading. She was born-: Aunt Grace, in the booming town of Roosevelta'. Orphaned from the beginning, she was raised from the time she was one month old on by a small pack of wolves. They named her Honorary Chief Wolf when she become old and wise enough to start leading the pack. Aunt Grace loved and cared for all of the wolves in her pack. She was a goddess in their eyes. She became very close with a particular wolf pup but we will get to that another time.


Once she grew into her own, Aunt Grace decided that there was more to do with her life than to sit around and howl at the moon. And so, with great sadness, she left her pack.


Flying airplanes was always part of Aunt Grace's "life agenda" and so that is what she did. Honorary Chief Wolf Aunt Grace received her first set of gold wings after she circled this once rumored- "flat earth" three times in a row. The first human to ever complete this path flying solo in a single engine plane. Often hailed as a true American aviation pioneer, Aunt Grace wanted to do more with her already well accomplished life.  


 However, true love found her before she could reach her next goal. She married Brookline, Massachusetts native John F. Kennedy in 1955. Together, they had two children. One of them however, went missing on its 2nd Birthday. That female child was never seen or heard from again. Aunt Grace was devastated. 



With a broken heart, she decided to travel to PowaWOWa to visit her dear old friend Gladiss. Once there, Aunt Grace was struck with the desire to want to help all of the homeless children in PowaWOWa. With her best friend busy rescuing dogs, Grace became preoccupied rescuing children. It was during this time that she received her newest title: Mother GRRace-a.   






Aunt Grace was never reunited with John F. Kennedy again, as he was assasinated in 1960. God bless his soul. The couple's only known existing child was left to care for itself. We will get to this topic another time as well.


With a life full of triumph, success and good deeds, Aunt Grace was knighted a Queen by a man who is a true "Prince"- Prince Rogers Nelson- or otherwise known as: The Artist Formerly known as Prince.

Grace too was minding her own business when that horrid dragon Roxanne swept her away.
And so, I hope you can now truly see why it is so important for Harlow and I to redeem these two significant citizens.




Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Part 3



Greetings from the town of McAnn!

It has been such a busy weekend since our arrival in this new place.

Day 1 here was spent greeting and dining with the town elf ruler and namesake- McAnn. She is quite the heroine. Harlow and I were very grateful to have spent a full day gallivanting around this territory under her lead.

While we were having the time of our lives doing that, Christine was locked in the trunk of our car. After spending days driving mile after mile in her presence, Harlow and I decided that she needed a little time out. And the trunk of our little green car sounded like the perfect place for her.
Later on, McAnn introduced us to her slaves-two ghoulish characters named Orlalegolas and Bloomturner. They were not nice, nor were they trusting of my sidekick and I.
I have a very strong feeling that the two of them are conspiring against us. I hope to probe their consciences when the time is right and see what their story is.




















McAnn however, was very welcoming. She has agreed to endorse our journey. God Bless her! She also gave us directions to the bed and breakfast that the hideous Roxanne was staying at. By the time we had gotten there though, Roxanne was long gone.
With our luck running low, we asked McAnn who we could turn to for guidance advice. And so, McAnn made us a last minute appointment with her Guidance Counselor, Dr. Peter Moreau. Long ago, back in 1997, Dr. Moreau had upset the balance of nature. By turning animals into humans, he had turned heaven into hell. But, he learned from his mistakes and now Dr. Moreau is just a guidance couselor at McAnn Elementary.




Dr Moreau's advice: "Go to the Gates of Doom."
When I asked what made him so sure that this was where Roxanne was, he handed me a postcard that Roxanne had just sent to him.
After letting Christine out of the trunk to stretch her creepy critter legs for a moment, we were off- To the Gates of Doom!